Did you ever stop to consider when you are angry or disappointed with another person it is most likely because you have put them in charge of your life? Or, at least, some aspect of your life. And, since it’s your life – not their life – they pretty much always get it wrong – in your eyes.
It goes like this. Somewhere along the way – most likely in early childhood – I wanted someone to like me or love me and I didn’t think they did. Now, they may or may not have loved me – somehow I got the message I had to try – to be something other than my natural self. In my personal case it was my mother.
So, as my life unfolded, I would set people up as my mother – in my mind. Usually someone I deemed an authority figure – boss, teacher, spouse, somebody in charge. I was always trying to be good enough in their eyes. This lead to me being ultra sensitive to their every word and action. It was very difficult for these people to do anything right – in my eyes. Funny how that gets tuned around!
The whole problem was I had put them in charge of my life. I felt I needed their approval or needed them to feel safe. They didn’t know they were in charge of my life. If they somehow figured out what I was projecting onto them, they probably ran the other way. It’s about all any of us can do to be in charge of our own lives.
That was all many years ago.
I learned I’m a unique, wonderful person just as I am – no trying necessary. I reclaimed the parts of me I was projecting out to others. What freedom! For me – and everybody around me.
The next time you find yourself disappointed or angry – again – with someone, ask yourself if you have put them in charge. Remember, only you can be in charge – everyone else will get it wrong every time.