Well, Christmas is over.  The gifts have been given and received.  Expectations were high.  Some of us were over the top excited, some not so much.  While we were giving and receiving actual, material things – sometimes, underneath it all, we are really giving and receiving love.  We can attach so much stuff to love.  It goes like this.

I spent a little more than I in my heart of hearts wanted to spend.  Why would I do that?  Maybe because I thought if I spent a little more, you would love me a little more?  I wonder?  You were happy with your gift – not over the top excited – happy.  I am hurt – afraid you don’t really love me.  We humans can go from hurt and fear to anger – at warp speed.  So, now my whole Christmas experience sucks.

Or, you aren’t as happy as I thought you would be – and, let’s remember my judgment of how happy you are may be right on – or, way off.    Rockets didn’t go off, tears of gratitude didn’t flow, nobody danced, hugs and kisses were not lavished upon me for my thoughtfulness and generosity.  I’m wondering why I spent all that money, took all that time to think of the perfect gift, put forth all the effort in an attempt to please you.  Or, was it an attempt for me to get love?

The other side of the coin – my expectations of a gift from someone I love were high.  And, I feel I got the short end of gift giving this year. Why would they buy me that?!

I could go on with other examples.  You most likely have one or two from your holiday experience.

It’s part of the post holiday doldrums.  Maybe it’s why lots of us get roaring drunk on New Year’s Eve?  To hell with the whole thing!  Cheers!

So, where’s the lesson?

Remember, you can only feel love – real love – to the extent you love yourself.  And, real love has absolutely nothing to do with things.  You can be surrounded by more love than you can imagine and not feel it at all – unless – and, only to the extent, you love yourself.

Your expectations of another’s reaction is all about you.  It has absolutely nothing to do with the other person.  Your feeling about how someone else responded to you or your gift is a function of your expectation going in.  High expectations and you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.  No expectations and you will likely feel very appreciated.

Remember – a gift is not a gift until you give it away.  No strings.  No expectations.  Nothing in it for you.  A gift given freely and lovingly from your heart.


This entry was posted in Psychology, Spirituality, You and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Giving

    • mountainpat says:

      Hey, Brian – Thanks for the kind words. I enjoy getting your posts by email – can’t see how to comment on them? Am I missing something? Hope you have a peaceful and fun New Year! Love, Pat

  1. joedalio says:

    I love your definition of “gift”, and completely agree that you will love and give to others only as you do for yourself. It’s a great lesson to be learned : )

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