I suppose the technical, psychological term is co-dependency. I guess it’s no surprise that so many people are co-dependent with their partner, parents, children, bosses, and friends – just about anybody is a great candidate. The reason it’s no surprise is we so often don’t know the answers to the most basic questions: Who am I? What do I want – right here, right now?
If I don’t know who I am or what I want, then I feel I need somebody to complete me, or to tell me what to think, or what to do, or to take care of me. This is a really, really big deal. The only life you can live is your own. If you try to live my life, you will be stressed, probably be plagued with illness, unhappy, angry – it just doesn’t work. You know what’s really crazy? If you try to live my life, rather than yours, you’ll end up being angry with me all the time! Here you are trying to live my life – but, the problem is – I don’t know what you want. I only know what I want. So, you are pretty much constantly angry with me for doing it all wrong. Wild!
One thing can sometimes stand in the way of answering these questions honestly. The big “R” word. Responsibility. If I stand up and say what I want and say who I am, then I am responsible for my life. Not you.
I have a good friend who told me years ago that she never wanted to grow up. What she couldn’t see then is that the only freedom in this whole material lifetime is in growing up and being responsible for what you want – for your choices. Anything short of that and you are living someone else life – trapped in your own immaturity. The completely bizarre thing is – the only way I can ever feel peace inside, joy, happiness is when I’m doing what I want, being who I am.
So, try out these basic questions: Who are you? What do you want – right here, right now? Who in your life do you need? Just how cool are you?