How many other people do you have inside you right now? If you are in a committed, intimate relationship, is your partner inside? How about your mother or father? Are they in there? A sibling or a trusted friend? Children?
What’s really weird is that we do oftentimes have lots of people inside us. They don’t just whisper in our ear, they are our voice. They are our actions and our beliefs. We aren’t influenced by them, they are us.
The real problem is where are you? The real you. Whose life are you living?
We are born from the waters of the womb – one with our mothers. No boundary. In a normal childhood, as an infant we continue to feel at one with our mother or primary caregiver. Then somewhere around 2 years old we begin to feel our uniqueness. We want to explore the world on our own. Until we fall down and get hurt or something in the world out there frightens us. Then we run back to Mom – she keeps us safe. Think about this pattern. Where is it still active in your life? I’m not talking about the comfort you feel from talking over your problems with a trusted parent or mentor. I’m talking about expecting your “parent” to “fix” your problem.
Your next shot at independence was your teen years. Let’s say age 12 to age 20. At one extreme you were the teenager from hell and lived to rebel. At the other extreme you marched the family march. Most of us lived these years somewhere in between. Most of us felt the call to begin our own lives, form our own beliefs, break away from our parents and strike out on our own hero/heroine’s journey – ready and excited to engage life. We decided to leave home! Maybe we were a little frightened. OK, maybe some of us were a lot frightened. Maybe instead of it being Me-In-Here on my journey it was really Me and Mom/Dad-In-Here.
I’m not talking about normal family upbringing and values. I’m talking about not feeling free enough to live your own life. Go your own way. Often rebellion is simply a manifestation of not leaving home – you are really rebelling against what you carry inside.
Many – most – of us meet the one. We discover sex – emotional intensity – new, wild, crazy feelings. Lots of us confuse that with love. Or, maybe we discover the real thing – true, soul, you’re the one for the rest of my life love. Here is another very important fork in the road of life. Me-In-Here meets You-Out-There.
Maybe I still have Mom/Dad in here – it’s already Us-In-Here. Now I put You-Out-There in here. It’s getting pretty crowded In Here. This same process may continue with others in our lives. We bring them In as opposed to preserving who we are and meeting them Out There. Remember, we leave home and strike out on our own so we can discover who we are.
Do you feel you are living your life today as Me-In-Here meets You-Out-There? Or, do you feel your life is Us-In-Here? And, if you feel it’s Us-In-Here, whose life are you living?